More Than You Know
by serenitymeimei
Summary: "It was strange, Olivia mused. She didn't realize until that moment just how much one kiss could truly mean." AU. Set post 07/01/09. aka, the night before the Bauer BBQ Olivia/Natalia


**Disclaimer:** If Guiding Light/the girls were mine, the show would air on HBO or Showtime and they'd be the only two characters. Gratuitous love scenes, ftw!

**A/N:** So, I wrote most of this before we found out why Natalia's been feeling ill lately. For all intents and purposes of this fic, she's still completely (and blissfully) ignorant as to what's going on with her body, lol.

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Olivia often wondered if one kiss was too much to ask for.

Had she done too many wrongs? Hurt too many people? Did she even have the right to ask for such a thing? To beg for one moment so perfect that her borrowed heart forgot how to beat and her body soared?

She wanted to gasp at the feel of Natalia's soft lips against her own. To tremble as their bodies pressed together. To arch against the younger woman as fingers tugged at her shorter hair and their mouths parted in the midst of passion.

They'd waited so long; to be together, for everything to fall into place. Denying themselves the simplest of pleasures, only indulging in an occasional hug or fleeting touch.

She'd told Natalia that she chose her, chose _them_. Olivia meant that with every fiber of her being, she'd never break that promise. But she wasn't sure how much longer she could wait.

As obnoxious as it sounded, she was a very sexual being. Always had been and always will be, it was a well known fact. But not being able to show the woman that she loves how she feels, or hold her in her arms at night? She'd never felt this much angst and frustration in her life, and quite frankly her sanity was becoming questionable because of it.

With each passing day, their teasing glances and little touches grew more frequent. They'd find any excuse to see one another, to be close, to let their knees brush as they ate lunch in the park or hook their pinky fingers together in the middle of a packed elevator at The Beacon.

Every day, all day, no matter where she was or who she was with, Natalia was the only thing on her mind. Especially now that she'd quit her job and Blake had hired her as her new assistant.

She was going to go crazy if _something _didn't happen soon. And it would. But not for a few days at least.

Olivia rolled over, burrowing her face deeper into her pillow, barely suppressing the urge to scream into it.

She had to be patient.

She'd waited nearly a year for crying out loud! Surely she could make it another measly twenty-four hours. _Right_?

The 2009, July 4th Bauer Barbeque certainly wouldn't be forgotten any time soon. The entire town would be gossiping for years to come the second she and Natalia showed up hand in hand and let their actions speak louder than words.

She was ready for it. _Beyond_ ready. But at the same time she was terrified.

Olivia wanted so badly for them to be together that she hadn't really thought about what would happen _after_ they come out of the closet. Of course she'd pictured them living together with Emma and Rafe at the farmhouse, a happy portrait of what they both wished life could be. But she knew it wouldn't really be like that, and she couldn't bare the thought of losing Natalia after all they'd been through.

So there she was, just past three thirty in the morning, mind churning over every little thing that could possibly go wrong when her cell phone vibrated on the bed next to her.

It had to be Natalia.

Smiling to herself, she searched blindly amongst the rumpled comforter, flipping it open when she finally found it.

A text? At this hour?

"What the hell," she mumbled, "Why didn't she just call?"

_From: Natalia _

_Emergency. I'm down in your office. I need you._

Her stomach dropped.

Shit.

In a flurry or worry and nerves, her fuchsia, silk robe had been haphazardly thrown over her shoulders and she was out the door, running down the hall toward the elevator with bare feet.

By the time she got there Natalia was pacing back and forth worriedly in front of her desk, still clad in her plaid pajama's.

"What's wrong?" she asked, rushing toward her, "Are you okay? Did something happen to Rafe?"

She almost looked startled at Olivia's arrival, but recovered quickly, "This is all your fault!"

Olivia's eyes widened, "Whoa! Hey, what's going on?"

"I was fine before!" she ranted, sending a glare in her direction with every pointed statement, "I was happy… _enough_ anyways. And then _you_ came along! With your gorgeous face and your-" she gestured roughly up and down Olivia's body, chest heaving as her eyes lingered heavily on certain _assets_, "And now I can't think about anything _but _you!"

Olivia bit her bottom lip, taking in Natalia's flushed face and messy hair as the corners of her mouth crinkled, trying desperately not to laugh.

She thought that something terrible had happened. Like the nausea and exhaustion that Natalia had been feeling lately was actually something much worse. Or that Rafe had been in a car accident.

But seriously?

Had Natalia really asked her down here to yell at her for causing _sexual frustration_? She went through that every single day!

"Is that such a bad thing?" she asked coyly.

"What? No! Of course not. That's not what I-"

Olivia stepped forward abruptly, nearing the jumpy brunette, "'Cause I know that you're the only thing I ever think about."

Natalia seemed to swoon at that, "Really?"

She smiled, taking another step, almost able to reach out and touch her now.

"Really."

Shuffling two more feet, she finally took Natalia's hands in her own. Thumbs caressing her knuckles soothingly. Their eyes met and Olivia could feel the tension vibrating between them, breath catching in the back of her throat. They were so close.

"Natalia?" she whispered, "Not that I mind spending time with you at odd hours in the middle of the night, but why are we down here? What's really going on?"

The other woman's eyes dropped to the floor, shuffling her weight restlessly back and forth. Olivia waited patiently. Watching Natalia as her forehead crinkled and she bit the inside of her cheek the way she always did when she was waging a major internal battle with herself.

This had to be big.

The air between them was changing, shifting. She could feel it.

Natalia's features had softened, her dimples starting to show in that cute, innocent way that always made her melt inside. When they were old and gray, all she'd have to do is smile and Olivia could guarantee that she still wouldn't be able to say no to her. Much like she was sure that her touch- fingertips surprising her when they slowly began gliding up her arms- would always burn fiery trails in its wake.

Olivia shivered, swaying as Natalia squeezed her shoulder lightly and then skirted the collar of her robe until she found skin. Teasing, exploring. Whatever it was, she'd never felt anything so exquisite.

That's when she realized that Natalia was getting closer.

Her eyes fluttered, pulse doubling.

Was this really happening?

Cheeks brushed against one another, the scent of lavender and soap surrounding her as Natalia nuzzled the crook of her neck. Warm lips brushed just behind her ear. Knees almost buckling as her body tingled and her stomach flipped.

Maybe she would have to start believing in God after all.

"I- I know we said we were going to wait," Natalia's suddenly husky voice swept across her jaw, "But I- I can't..."

Olivia shushed her, tentatively framing her face, much like she had the first time they kissed. Trembling as their heads tilted and breath mingled, mouths hovering less than an inch apart.

"It's okay," she dared to grin, "It's about time."

Natalia sighed in relief and tipped forward, lips just barely brushing against Olivia's.

Once. Twice.

So light that she could hardly feel it. But she did. And on the third time, she applied just enough pressure with her fingers to trap Natalia as her delicate mouth slanted across her own. It was like every touch they'd ever shared and every second they'd spent gazing into each other's eyes all wrapped up into one singular moment. Nothing else mattered.

The world around them faded.

Olivia moaned softly when she felt the gentle slide of Natalia's tongue against the seam of her lips, begging to be let in. Their mouths parted. Soft, warm and slick. Nothing but the taste of Natalia and the toothpaste they'd both used before going to bed earlier last night.

She wanted to deepen the kiss further. To walk Natalia backwards until the back of her legs hit her desk and feel those strong thighs wrap around her hips as she explored every bit of tan skin that she could find.

It was so tempting.

But she wouldn't be able to control herself if she did. They weren't ready. No matter how much either of them wanted it. She wasn't willing to take any chances and rushing into things had never gotten her anywhere before, always bringing trouble and mayhem. She didn't want that with Natalia.

So, with all the willpower that she could muster, she retreated. Slowing the kiss to a mild roar. Taking Natalia's bottom lip between her own, nipping it softly, playfully. Savoring it, before breaking away. Resting forehead to forehead as they regained their surroundings.

The clock on the wall chimed quietly, announcing the arrival of four o'clock. The sky outside was beginning to turn a dull blue and birds were starting to chirp their morning songs. Dawn was coming.

Smoothing Natalia's bangs away from her face, she leaned back, smiling brilliantly as their eyes met. She felt different somehow- at peace, full, like she was finally whole.

It was strange, Olivia mused. She didn't realize until that moment just how much one kiss could truly mean.

"Wow," she chuckled, "That was... I don't even have words for it."

Natalia nuzzled her palm, looking up at her through a veil of lashes, "It was _amazing_."

"It was more than that," she sighed wistfully, "It was-"

"Perfect?"

"It was everything I could have asked for," Olivia agreed readily and chanced pressing their lips together once more in a quick, chaste kiss, "And I've found that I've never loved you more."

"I love you, too," Natalia grinned, scrunching her nose cutely, "And you know I love it when you say things like that."

"I do."

Olivia sighed happily and reached down to twine their fingers together once again, giving Natalia a encouraging squeeze.

Everything was going to be alright.

Through thick and thin. They'd get through it together, just like they always did.

**End.**


End file.
